Posted by: CeCe | February 5, 2012

On vile “humans” and sexual assault

I originally published this as a note on Facebook, after reading a blog by someone else.  I made some small changes to the original to post it here.

So a few months ago I read a blog written by a “man” (using the term loosely as there are no words foul enough for this creature) who asserted that there is “no such thing as rape” and that if a woman (or girl of any age, actually) is raped, it’s because she didn’t “fight” for her virtue, and was basically asking for it.  I figure it’s my turn to share, especially since this is not a new view to me.  Others have espoused this same view to me, and I am just as disgusted by it now as I was then.  It is a repulsive, demeaning, horrible view, and here’s why:

Sexual assault, whatever any of you has been told, is not about sex.  It’s about control.  It’s a violent act in which the perpetrator attempts to pervert an act which is generally associated with love and intimacy.   It is an act that can happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.  It can be at the hands of someone you know, or someone you don’t know.  It may be on a night when you go out clubbing with your friends, or it could happen after you’ve just gotten off work and the grime of your day is still sticking to you and your clothes.  And I can tell you that if you are assaulted, it is an experience that sticks with you for the rest of your life, even if you no longer wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and even when seeing someone that even slightly resembles the one who violated you no longer causes you to hyperventilate.  Oh, you may go on with your life, you may even learn to be intimate again, but those scars will never heal completely.  Not really.

So ladies (and men) if any of you has ever been assaulted, I want you to remember this:

1.  IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.  This is the most important thing, and if you take nothing else from this with you, take that:  It’s not your fault.  Not even a little bit.

2.  It doesn’t matter what you were wearing or not wearing.

3.  It doesn’t matter whether you knew the person or not.

4.  It doesn’t matter what you were drinking or not drinking.

5.  It doesn’t matter if you were flirting with the person or not.  You are the master of your own body, not them.  You have the right to say no at any point, and the very moment that someone refuses to respect your boundaries and your desires, it is rape, period, and rape is never the fault of the victim.

6.  There is no way to protect yourself completely.  Which brings me to my next point.

A lot of people who have never been sexually assaulted chalk it up to them somehow taking more precautions than those who have been assaulted, but that isn’t always the case.  Even if you never leave your house, never drink, never speak to strangers, always wear baggy clothing that covers your whole body, etc. you could still be assaulted.  Sure, you can be smarter about protecting yourself, but like “safe” sex, it is not 100% guaranteed.  And if you have never been assaulted and you attempt to tell someone who has that if they had just been more careful it wouldn’t have happened, congratulations, you just victimized them all over again.

The fact of the matter is, even as “evolved” and “enlightened” society has become in some regards, people are still incredibly ignorant about sexual assault.  It is never, ever, ever the fault of the victim.  I once said a long time ago that rape is the only crime in which a person will attempt to blame the victim.  When we as a society attempt to blame the victim for being raped, what we are doing is not only victimizing them further, we are also justifying the actions of the rapist, and allowing him to avoid personal accountability.

And that’s the real tragedy.



  1. I think what I find compounds this point further is how little time these offenders get in prison. I believe it’s pretty standard to get around 6 months jail time if the victim is over the legal age (jail time goes up a little higher for minors). To me, that says: “Here’s a slap on the wrist since they’ll get over it eventually.” Clearly forgetting how much such an act can screw up a person’s life – it’s a form of torture! I know this as I work with a hell of a lot of sectioned men, women and children who have mental illnesses where the catalyst is invariably some form of sexual abuse, whether that be by family, friend or stranger.

    • You’re right about that. One of my friends was assaulted by this guy who was a part of our group in high school. He was in jail for less than two years. No wonder people don’t take it seriously. The worst part about it was that when he got out, some people acted like nothing had ever happened. I was like, Do you guys not realize what this guy did?! They didn’t really seem to care or even believe that it had happened. “But he seems so nice!” I was so frustrated by that.

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