Posted by: CeCe | September 4, 2012

Stop hitting yourself!

So here I am once again, with a huge gap in between posts.  I’ve had the worst case of writer’s block ever on top of being busy with taking care of me.  But I’m writing now, so I guess that’s what matters.  This is probably going to seem like a cliche post, but I want to write about it, so I’m going to.  So there.

A few days ago, my husband and I happened to catch “Mean Girls” on TV.  We’ve seen the movie numerous times, and in fact it’s one of the few that we both enjoy (he’s more about drama, I’m more a fan of comedies, foreign films, and independent movies, so for us to agree on a movie is odd).  I was watching the scene where each of the girls is looking in the mirror and criticizing parts of their body, and I remember thinking, hm, I need to do a post about that.  I wonder how many women (and probably some men, too) saw that part and thought that even though it may have been a little over the top for some of us, it was pretty accurate for many of us.

I know I have a bad habit of looking in the mirror and only seeing my flaws.  I cringe at pictures of myself, thinking how in the world I ever allowed a picture to be taken of me.  I think almost all of us do that, though, even when we’re thin and fit society’s definition of beautiful.

I’ve decided to stop.  I’ve decided that when I look in the mirror, instead of focusing on my perceived flaws, I’m going to focus on what I like about myself.  I like my smile.  I like the fact that when I smile, I have dimples.  I like my hair color, despite the fact that my gray seems to be multiplying at my temples.  I’ve earned each and every one of them, and I’m okay with the fact that I’m 31 and already have more gray hairs than I can count.  I like my eyes, both their color and their shape.  I like my high cheekbones, and the size of my ears.  I love the fact that no matter how big I’ve gotten over the years, I still have a clearly defined waist.  I’ve decided that I’m going to focus on those, instead of my fat thighs (and fat the rest of me!), my stretch marks, and all the other things about my body that I hate.  Why?  Because it’s not helpful.  Because it’s discouraging and depressing.  And because most other people are so busy focusing on their own flaws that they don’t have the time to notice all of mine.  And if they are so critical of others that they focus on my flaws, I don’t need them in my life, and their opinions shouldn’t matter to me.

I think we all need to stop with the self-hate.  Stop hating your thighs, your arms, your stretch marks, your cellulite, your belly, your chin and/or the shape/size of your nose.  Just stop.  I don’t mean that we should all stop trying to improve ourselves, because of course we shouldn’t.  But we shouldn’t make that the focus of what we see in the mirror.  We shouldn’t waste our energy on all of the negativity.

I have friends who are overly critical of themselves.  I understand that, all too well, but the thing is, when I look at them, I don’t see their imperfections, I see their beauty.  In my eyes, almost everyone is beautiful.    I think that when we choose to only see the things about ourselves that we hate, we are engaging in extremely damaging behavior.  We start to feel like we’re worthless, we start holding ourselves to a standard most of us could never attain, except by spending thousands on plastic surgery.  When we feel like we’re worthless, it sets us up for abusive relationships, both with others and with ourselves, because we don’t feel that we deserve more.  But we do deserve more.  We deserve better.

We are all so much more than the sum of our perceived imperfections.  If you find yourself looking into a mirror or at a picture of yourself and starting off a thought with “I hate…” STOP.  Just stop!  Think to yourself, “I’m going to stop focusing on that.  I love this about me.  I like this.”  Recognize your beauty.  Understand your worth.  Quit bullying yourself, stop hating, and start loving.  You deserve it.

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Responses

  1. Cece, you nailed this topic…..if we focus on what we like, we have more energy to see others in a positive light as well. 🙂

    • Thank you! 🙂

  2. I can’t tell you how much I needed to read something like this today. Thank you for your thoughtful words and sharing it with others. We may never know just how much of an impact we have on others just when they need it most. You are one of the most amazing talented women I know and count myself blessed to have had you as a special person in my life for so many years.

    • I consider myself blessed to know you as well! ❤


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